Pei Wei

I know, I know... WHY am I reviewing a chain? Well, I'll tell you... (he's going to tell! he's going to tell!)

Pei Wei is an Asian Diner in the new 29th Street Mall. (map) I love Pei Wei because it's cheap, and it's spicy. How spicy? Well...

Rewind about a year. And let me preface this by saying that I am currently navigating the online dating world. I met a woman online, and for our second meeting, we decided to go to Pei Wei at Lowry. I'd never heard of Lowry OR Pei Wei, so I was excited to try something new.

I forget what she had, but I ordered this dish called "Flamin' Noodles". We sat down, started eating, chatting, etc., when the manager came to talk to us because he and my date were friends.

So we're all talking, yada yada yada, when I start sweating. Not because of the conversation, but because of my Flamin' Noodles dinner. If I had to describe how spicy-hot this dish was, I think I'd say it's like opening a container of granulated cayenne pepper and dumping the entire thing down your throat in a single motion.

Needless to say, I'm completely dying at this point. The funny part is, I knew this was coming... it doesn't matter what kind of spicy food I'm eating--I'm going to start sweating. Oddly enough, I sweat nowhere (from spicy food) except in the most noticeable place available: My Head.

So I'm sitting there saying less and less as to not draw attention to my now extremely sweaty head. I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. On a side note, I have very wavy hair, and sometimes it gets kind of 'fro-ed out if I go for a while without a haircut. While in the bathroom, I start grabbing paper towel after paper towel to try to absorb the eleven pounds of moisture permeating from my scalp. When I was done, my hair was about two inches taller than it had been when I walked in there. Would she even recognize me when I returned to the table? I didn't care. I just went back, sat down, and asked for a box.

That was our last date.

Which brings me to last night... I was feeling a bit bold, so... yes. I ordered the Flamin' Noodles again, and of course: the exact same thing happened. Luckily I was by myself this time, but it's still borderline embarrassing to be a sweaty freak in a restaurant even if you don't know anyone.

Suffice to say, it's hard to judge a restaurant on two visits and knowledge of only one dish, but that's how I'm rolling this time. If you're looking for spicy Asian food that will make your nose run and scare away any afflictions your body may have, Pei Wei should be your next meal destination.

Atmosphere: Red. Very, very red. Both Pei Wei restaurants I've been to have been excessively clean, which is never a bad thing
Food: Asian, hot, hot, hot. I suppose you could get a non-spicy dish, but what the hell would be the point of that? Vegetarian items are available as well...
Price: My meal was less than $8, and I was able to take half of it home to heat-torture myself again later. Can't beat that!
Happy Hour: no info available
Crowd: Sweaty people with smiles on their faces after indulging in very tasty, very spicy food
Overall rating: 8 out of 10